Ask The Expert: Why knowing your personal values affects more than you think.

Understanding your personal values.

I've spent much of my career helping people think differently about themselves, their work and where they're heading. Through leadership roles, coaching and plenty of my own self-reflection, one thing has remained surprisingly consistent: understanding your personal values changes the way you make decisions.

It sounds simple, but many of us have never really stopped to ask what our values actually are.

Mine haven't changed for many years now, although it took a few attempts to land on the right ones. Like many people, my first list wasn't actually a reflection of who I was. It was a reflection of who I thought I should be.

I found myself choosing words that sounded impressive or aspirational rather than the principles that genuinely guided how I lived and made decisions. It took a bit more honesty - and a bit less trying to be the version of myself I thought people expected - to uncover the values that were already there.

Today, I have four core values. I don't believe there's a magic number, but I'd generally encourage people to keep it to no more than five. If everything is a priority, nothing really is.

What I've learnt is that my values act like an internal compass. Whenever something feels uncomfortable, frustrating or draining, I can usually trace it back to one question:

Is this true to my values?

That applies just as much to my personal life as it does professionally.

A few years ago, after taking redundancy, I had something many of us rarely get: time. Time to reflect, to question what I wanted next and to invest in some coaching myself.

Rather than jumping straight into another role, I started asking different questions.

• What energises me?

• What feels missing?

• What kind of work leaves me feeling fulfilled?

The answer surprised me: I realised I'd been living for several years without one of my core values: creativity.

From the outside, everything looked fine. I had a successful career, great opportunities and plenty to be grateful for. But something wasn't quite clicking.

Once I'd recognised that creativity was one of my core values, everything suddenly made sense. I wasn't looking for a different job title or a bigger challenge. I needed more opportunities to create, build ideas, solve problems differently and think beyond the day-to-day.

That realisation has influenced almost every decision I've made since. It's one of the reasons She Shares and She Consults exist today.

Step One: Finding your own values

One exercise I often recommend is starting with a long list of values. Don't overthink it initially. Firstly, highlight every word that resonates, then begin comparing them against one another.

If you could only keep one, which would it be? Then move on and compare the next two.

Gradually, you'll find yourself left with the handful that genuinely matter most.

The challenge isn't choosing words you admire. It's choosing the ones you couldn't live without.

Step Two: Define what they mean to you

This is the step people often skip.

Your value isn't just the word itself; it's your definition of it.

Take "freedom", for example. For one person, that might mean financial independence. For someone else, it could mean flexibility, autonomy or simply having space in their diary.

The same word can mean completely different things to different people.

That's why it's worth writing a sentence or two underneath each value explaining what it means specifically to you.

Only then does it become something you can actually use.

Your values become your filter

Once you know your values, they become incredibly useful when making decisions.

Should I take this role?

Should I say yes to this opportunity?

Why does this project feel so energising?

Why do I keep feeling frustrated in this relationship or team?

Often, the answer isn't that something is wrong. It's that one or more of your values isn't being honoured.

That awareness doesn't make every decision easy, but it does make them clearer.

Because when your life and work reflect what genuinely matters to you, you're far more likely to feel fulfilled, not because everything is perfect, but because you're living in a way that feels authentic to who you are.

Our values aren't just words on a page. They're the principles that quietly shape how we live, work, lead and connect with others.

The more we understand them, the more intentional our choices become.